Potheads, part 1
by Mark Shepherd
Summary: First part in the series of mini shorts. Captain Flippy is an experienced fighting man, and along with his nincompoop assistant, they find adventures inside seemingly harmless scenarios. Please R/R


A/N: Yes, I am aware that Flippy is a Sergeant inside canon; I just put him as a Captain for this story.

* * *

Midnight, Temporary military camp

Behind a rock near a campsite

Captain Flippy: Alright men, although our B platoon got ambushed by the insurgents, C squadron and us are still alive and well. Although the insurgents look tough and fight like animals, just remember that they put on pants just like we do. So get a good night's rest, and we will commence the attack tomorrow morning.

*Low rumbling*

Private Mark: So if we don't wear pants can we go back to our bunk?

Captain Flippy: No.

Private Mark: So what do we do if we get injured?

Captain Flippy: Hmmmm, if we get hurt I suggest we go to back to our camp.

Private Mark: OK, bye!

Captain Flippy: WAIT where are you going?

Private Mark: Well I thought that I would head back to camp.

Captain Flippy: NO, YOUR NOT!

Private Mark: Oh rats!

Captain Flippy: Cut the cursing!

Private Mark: Oh fiddle!

Captain Flippy: FINE, for cursing and swearing in the line of duty you get 3 kicks.

Private Mark: Oh bug juice!

Captain Flippy: That's 6, want to go for 9?

Private Mark: Sure might as well.

Captain Flippy: So you want to buck the system and be a little rebel… SO you're up to 9!

Private Mark: Ah darn!

Captain Flippy: There's 12 how about 15 you want to go for bigger numbers huh? GO ahead we got the time get it out of your system!

Private Mark: I thought I was bucking the system..

Captain Flippy: Your bucking against your life private!

(Loud sound)

Private Mark: I knew a bucking horse once

Captain Flippy: Yes and where did it get him? He bucked and bucked and where did it get him tell me huh?

Private Mark: Well he kicked my friend Handy out the door and then proceeded to handicap him

Captain Flippy: Yes and do you know what this means?

Private Mark: Not exactly

Captain Flippy: It means... you have 12 kicks coming your way. Wanna go for 15?

Private Mark: Nah I'm out of arguments

Captain Flippy: Well 12 is bad enough. If you ever tried to get a job by doing this, do you think someone will give you one?

Private Mark: I wouldn't

Captain Flippy: Neither would I, in fact with that lousy record of yours I'm not sure you even have a place in our society, much less in that outfit, how does that make you feel?

Private Mark: Can I go back to camp?

Captain Flippy: NO!

Private Mark: OH damn!

Captain Flippy: THERE'S 18 PRIVATE! You keep piling them on!

Private Mark: I think its only 15..

Captain Flippy: 15, 18, WHATS THE DIFFERENCE?

Private Mark: Christopher Columbus discovered America in 1518...

Captain Flippy: Yes, and the reason why he discovered America was because he didn't stand around cursing and swearing. He sailed his ships, studied the stars, and most importantly, he WROTE IN HIS LOG!

Private Mark: My dad burned logs in his stove..

Captain Flippy: That's exactly my point. Do you want to burn logs or sail the oceans?

Private Mark: Well I don't like water

Captain Flippy: Exactly, and if you continue getting bad stuff on your record you'll spend your life... wait was that an explosion?

Private Mark: I think it was the ocean..

Captain Flippy: WHAT!?

Private Mark: I mean, Columbus sailed across the oceans, but at the end of every ocean a pot of rain drops and splashes his face..

(Flippy sighs)

(Bigger explosion)

Captain Flippy: Private can I tell you something?

Private Mark: Sure anything.

Captain Flippy: I'll be honest. Sometimes the things I say just don't seem to make any sense...

Private Mark: I'll be dern!

Captain Flippy: Please don't swear.

Private Mark: Sorry, I won't be dern. I'll never be dern.

Captain Flippy: Good I hope you mean that.

Private Mark: Oh I do

Captain Flippy: Good. Sometimes I feel like.. my mind is a bowl of scrambled eggs! You ever get that feeling?

Private Mark: Oh I love eggs..

Captain Flippy: I know but I'm talking about the.. sensation of scrambled eggs. Have you ever thought of that in your life, all your thoughts were coming out of a bowl of scrambled eggs?

Private Mark: Lets see.. nope never have!

(More Explosions)

Captain Flippy: Hmmm just as I thought. IT'S THIS JOB! The crushing thought about it day after day!

Private Mark: Um, Captain...

(Flippy Sighs heavily)

(Flippy walks back over and puts his hand on the private's shoulder)

Captain Flippy: I'm glad we've been able to have this conversation. It's so seldom that I get to talk with other people...

Private Mark: Yeah even if I'm only a private.

Captain Flippy: Exactly...

Private Mark: Hey, uh, Captain...

Captain Flippy: The hour is late and the night is dark private. What the hell are we doing behind this rock?

(Explosions stop)

Private Mark: Well let's see... I don't remember… You reckon we were waiting for food?

Captain Flippy: Maybe so although I don't recall anyone ever serving meals at this hour...

Private Mark: Yeah, and if the cooks aren't making food, it doesn't make much sense for us to be waiting for them, I guess.

Captain Flippy: Good point, Maybe we should go back to bed.

Private Mark: Boy, I'll go for that.

Captain Flippy: I don't know about you private but I'm worn out. I'm ready for a nap.

Private Mark: Yes me too, but do you know one thing that concerns me Captain?

Captain Flippy: What's that private?

Private Mark: WHERE'S OUR CAMP!?

* * *

Episode 2 will be coming up soon... Please R/R!


End file.
